I woke up feeling old...

Yesterday, I woke up feeling old.

I looked in the mirror and I saw a man who'd stopped trying. Some time in the last twenty years, I started cruising along on autopilot, letting my life take its own course. It's not that I haven't tried. I've worked hard at times, and even had some small successes here and there, but I was going along without a plan, without a vision for what I wanted my life to be, and for the man I wanted to become. I had no real sustained effort in any direction. As is the case with most things, when you don't have a plan, when you don't take action, things rarely turn out the way you want them to.

When I looked n the mirror yesterday morning, I saw a man who could be closing in on 60. I'm 44. I am overweight, have high blood pressure and psoriasis, suffer from depression, and am unsatisfied with myself and my life.

I'm doing something about it.

I've always believed that you can accomplish anything if you dedicate yourself to it, mind, body, and soul. I've admired people who achieve their goals, who inspire others, and who always manage to smile and keep going, no matter what. I've always wanted to be one of those people. That starts today.

The first thing I need to do is get moving and get in shape. I weighed in this morning at 244 lbs. I'm just under 6' tall, so I'm at least 50 lbs overweight.  That's where I'll begin. Today, I get moving and exercise every day. I already have a gym membership, because I like paying people for things I don't use, so I'm going to start actually showing up and working out there to get my money's worth.

This is about more than fitness, though. This is about life, and about living the life I want and being who I want to be. I'm still figuring that out, so in a sense, this is a journey of discovery. There are some things that have always been important to me, though:

  • Writing. I've wanted to be a writer since third grade. It's never gone away, and nothing has ever replaced it, even when I was distracted by other things.
  • Fitness. I want to get in the best shape of my life. 44 is not too late.
  • Experiences. Life gets pretty stale if you do the same thing every day, no matter how much you enjoy what you do. I want to broaden my experience, meet new people, make new friends, try new things, and live my life to the fullest. 
  • Inspiration. I want to help people. I want to inspire people like me, people who have lost their way, or who know where they want to go but haven't been able to get past the fear yet, or who just haven't figure out how to get started.
 I want to build a community of people who believe they can change their lives, and who will inspire others to do the same. I want to spread friendship and love. I hope that by putting myself out there, by being honest about my struggles and my successes, I can show others that they can do the same.

The world is a scary place, and so many people are confused and afraid. I believe that we are all the same. I believe that we are all just human beings trying to figure out how to be happy. We are looking for meaning in our lives. Perhaps that meaning is as simple as helping each other.

Oh, I trimmed the beard...